Momma Bear's Den

I swear its like a game for them.

A small way to get their jollies in their sad, I-live-only-for-my-children, mom jeaned lives.

All I want to do is take my son to preschool. 

To drop him off with-out getting hit by a bus, and to leave in a timely manner so I can get my baby home for his morning nap BEFORE he decides to let the whole neighborhood know he is unhappy and tired. 

But no. 

That is just not possible when your child attends school with the children of the Mini-van Moms. 

(Yes, I do see the similarity to the "Children of the Corn" movie title. Honestly, it's practically the same thing).

Now, before I go any farther, let me be clear. I don't hate anyone who drives a mini-van. 

I have some great friends who happen to be mini-van drivers. As a child my parents always drove a mini-van. My mother-in-law drives a mini-van (Ok. Bad example). 

The point is, I'm not trying to say that every single person alive who drives a mini-van should be stoned in the street. (Although, I may agree that your sanity is in question if you think a minivan is a suitable vehicle. Just my opinion).

What I'm getting at is that this particular set of Mini-van Moms are ruthless.

They find a sick pleasure in punishing those of us who aren't part of their little coffee drinking, fashion-less, I-can't-stop-procreating group. 

Not that I want this to turn into a giant "bitch-fest" post, but try as I might to avoid them, I somehow always manage to (literally) get squished between them.

I'm not sure if it's because they've forgotten what it's like to have to actually OPEN a car door to get out, or because they truly have no idea how to drive that boat they think is so freaking wonderful. 

But NONE of these Moms can seem to properly park their over-sized vehicles. 

I can't tell you how frustrating it is to try and get into the car and not have enough room to unlock the door. Let alone open it and put a baby in his car seat.

So I have to wait, in the cold, with a baby for these moms to finish their coffees and their long talks about what happened yesterday on Days of Our Lives or the newest location change for their toilet paper rack (I'm just guessing).

I've even attempted to change my parking habits and park in bum-duck-Egypt to avoid this morning annoyance. 

To no avail. 

They still find me.

Up until now I've been nice; I smile when they get back and politely ask them to not park so close next time. I try to laugh when they take it as a minor occurrence and let it roll off their backs.

Needless to say, I'm tired of it.  

I know they're in just as much of a hurry as I am (probably more since they can't seem to stop having children, therefore making more work for themselves before school) but your multiple children issue is, in my mind, no excuse for not knowing how to park your monstrous car. 

It takes 2 seconds to correct an improperly parked vehicle. 2 seconds....maybe 3. 

I think if you've been able to handle little Tommy's screaming, little Cindy's humming, and the twin's arguing this long, you can handle it for 2 (maybe 3) more seconds.

So fix your damn van. 

If not, then the next time you come back to your over-sized boat-on-wheels you're going to find this taped just above the 6 inch dent I'm going to leave in your sliding door...

Seriously. They're already ordered.

To further prove my point, I took the time to look up other instances of Mini-van Mom syndrome. Enjoy. 

P.S. #2 looks eerily like my mother-in-laws van. I may have to do more research on that one....

As a mother of 2 I'm often faced with the many viruses and illnesses that my cubs bring home from their worldly adventures. 

Colds that have them coughing all over my newly scoured house, flus that have me running to find where on earth they have hidden the bucket (this time) before it's too late. 

But recently I've had to deal with the worst virus I've ever encountered.

One that was so massive it has not only had me down for almost 2 1/2 months but it pretty much took away any access I've had to the outside world.

What kind of virus, you ask, could do so much damage for such an extended period of time? 

A computer virus.

Not just any computer virus.

Oh no. Because that would be an easy fix and as anyone who knows me could tell you, my life has no easy fixes. 

No, my computer somehow obtained a Trojan virus with spyware. 

And not just one... 

...but TWO.

Now, I'm not the most technically minded of women. I didn't realize exactly what this meant for my poor desktop friend, until my friend was no more. (I also didn't realize how close of friends we were. But we wont open that can of worms.)

But apparently, with a Trojan virus, it will completely take over your computer. 

We're talking in-bed itself in any file it can, take it over, and pretty much laugh at you when you attempt to do anything with that file. 

AND, not only that, but it can multiply itself within other files on your computer. 

Essentially staging a hostile take-over and making you a sad, lonely, and bored, computer-less person, i.e. me the last 2 1/2 months. 

After this lengthy explanation as to why I've been absent from my blogging obligations, you may be wondering what I've been doing to get myself through this though time. 

So, let me tell you. I have become the cleaning Nazi. 

Now, I've always kept a pretty clean house. There may have been a few extra toys laying about or a pile of papers I'd yet to find a place for, but my house was always visitor ready. 

Until recently.

Recently my house has been spotless. Including my children. There wasn't a cluttered surface, a sticky finger-print, an unfolded t-shirt, or an unmade bed with-in 20 foot of my house. 

I'm amazed by how much I was able to get (and to keep) done once there wasn't the distraction of a social life taking up the hours of my day. 

Unfortunately for both my family and my home, the computer is back and so is my morning coffee, pop-tart, and Facebook breakfast. 

The dishes will just have to wait until later.