I'm sure by now just about everyone has heard the term "the man cold".
I.e. the "I'm dying, please take care of me like I'm 4, I can't reach the remote and I'm stuck where I'm at for at least 2 days so can you hand me a soda and the chips", cold.
If you haven't, you've either been living under a rock or need to be examined by a professional. (My family doctor is great! Message me and I'll give you a number).
My husband gets these "man colds".
At least once a year he's couch-bound and whining like there is no tomorrow in store for him.
Pathetic really.
Especially when he expects you to suddenly drop everything and become his mother.
As if I don't already have 2 kids of my own I'm trying to care for and keep away from your sick butt.
Well, I've recently come to realize that this is a trend with my husband.
This dire need to throw himself into something and expect the entire world to follow suit. (Not to mention be happy about it).
About 2 weeks ago, after much urging, my husband decided to "start eating healthy." I.e. Papa Bear is on what I like to call the "Man Diet".
A counting calories, eating only the portion limits on bags, no red meats and no food after 3:00pm diet.
Wonderful! (Truly).
At this announcement I was thrilled that he had finally taken his health into consideration and I no longer had to worry about him having a heart attack at the age of 30.
What I didn't realize at the time was that this meant he expected the rest of us to "start eating healthy" as well.
So, for the past 2 weeks I've been living in food Nazi hell.
Not only has my husband been dictating to me what I can and cannot put on the weekly menu, he has been getting on my case if I decide to have a second turkey wrap at dinner time or if I put too many baked lays in my bowl to watch a movie.
Let me quickly point out here.
I had a baby a year ago.
I was on a diet all summer to lose the weight from having said baby with NO HELP from my husband.
He still wanted Chinese food.
He still went to McDonalds for dinner on friday nights.
He still wanted ME to make all his favorite fatty food dishes for HIM at supper, all the while knowing I was trying to watch what I ate.
I was the one on the diet. I didn't expect him to alter his eating habits for me. So I had to control myself and eat only what I was supposed to not what my cravings were telling me to.
During which time I got to enjoy watching him down a brownie after dinner.
Not cool.
So now that it's his turn, he seems to think the entire household needs to jump on board and help him out.
Heaven forbid he might be tempted by the bowl of ice-cream I gave my 4 year old or the bag of peanut M&M's I got myself on the first day of my period.
Don't get me wrong.
I have no problem putting healthier ingredients into my meals. I don't mind buying healthier snacks. Nor do I mind learning the healthier ways to cook for my family.
What I do mind is being told what to do.
I enjoy drinking Pepsi on a daily basis.
After having to wake up all night with a teething 11 month old and dealing with a bratty 4 year old starting at 7:00am, I think I deserve it.
So, dude, lay off.
I'm very happy you've made this decision and I support you 100%, but I did my time. I'm ready to get back to enjoying food again.
So I'll buy your fat free this and low calorie that. I'll even continue going on walks with you.
But if I decide that I want to also grab myself some cookies, I'd much rather have them with milk than a lecture.
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